Our Isolated World

There is nothing I love more than meeting someone new because every interaction is an opportunity to learn. There is so much to discover about them, a fresh new perspective on things, and even much that you can learn about yourself. I always get so excited, almost like I’m immediately in love, I want to learn so much about them and the things that made them who they are. New people bring so many stories an experiences with them, even if your knowing them is a short time, you will take a piece away from each other and carry it into your future. You are forever changed by each interaction.

There are some 7+ Billion people on our planet, and each one of them has a story about their experience with their world, whether they are on the other side of the earth, or just around the corner. In today’s information age, there is unlimited potential to meet people from many different cultures, and many different ways of life. With so much connectivity, it seems as though at any hour of the day, we don’t ever have to feel alone.

The truth is though, that despite the immense potential we have for being and staying connected with so many people we are incredibly isolated. Depression rates have been steadily increasing in the last 10 years, along with that the anxiety and suicide rates have also been climbing. It is said that isolation and feelings of loneliness can contribute to these afflictions. So in a world where there is so much potential for human connection, how are we experiencing so much isolation?

In a recent conversation with a friend who grew up in India, he made this profound observation. He told me that one of the first things he noticed once he moved here that there are so many people in therapy, which was virtually unheard of in India. People in India treat everyone much more like family. Neighbors will just come in and start talking to you about events in their lives and you would do the same with them. Everyone is so connected and involved in each other that feelings of isolation are virtually unheard of. He also said that so many of us here do not connect to each other in the same way they do in his home country. It has been incredibly hard for him to find the kind of connection with others in the community that he had grown up accustomed to. So much so that now he himself is in therapy, all because of the distinct lack in human connection that is available in our culture.

We have social media, which in concept is great for us to stay in touch with people in our lives, catch up on news or latest events, share in some laughs and mutual interests in our community, but it rarely helps us to fill our cups with the social interaction we so crave. Instead it tends to offer us the illusion of human connection, we can communicate with one another, but there is no real risk of actual human intimacy. We miss the subtle emotional cues we get from one another, our facial expressions, our body language, our mannerisms, the intonation of our voices, and most importantly, human touch.

Something as simple as a pat on the shoulder or a tap on the arm to get our attention means a lot more to us than we give credit to. It reminds us that we are not alone, and there are in fact others sharing in this life experience with us. More intimate contact such as hugging or kissing actually decreases the presence of stress hormones in the blood and releases hormones that are responsible for giving us a sense of well being. Compassionate touch is also reported to raise our immune system’s function and lower inflammation in the body. Some studies even suggest that we actually experience a decrease in organ (including brain) function which if allowed to progress long enough can lead to death.

This is so huge! So if we have all of this data about the importance of human contact why do we do nothing to achieve it? In fact, some of us even speak out against wanting or needing human contact at all. It is so harmful to us, and frankly to each other that we deny ourselves the benefit of human contact. So if we need it so bad then why are we fighting so hard to ensure that we don’t have it, or keep a “safe” distance from it?

It is fear. Fear of the potential of being hurt, or rejected, or ridiculed for having needs. Fear of being judged or seen as being weak, or needy, or even desperate. So who is issuing these wild judgments? Most likely it is our own inner critic (the ego) and all of it’s efforts to try to protect us. But why should we be protected from love? What harm can that really do?

I think too many of us have been hurt, or disappointed by those we have loved in our past. Maybe we have been betrayed or humiliated. So therefore we should never attempt to experience love again? We should never allow anyone to accept us and love us the way we need to be because someone was once irresponsible with our feelings? That’s like getting burned one time by a fire then deciding to never eat cooked food again. That’s no way to live, and apparently it’s even detrimental to our health.

So let us make some agreements here. Let us meet each other with acceptance when we open up and seek validation. Let us keep a sacred space for our friends and loved ones who are hurting, and let them know it’s there if they need it. Even if they don’t, lets give it to them anyway. It comes at no cost to us. No potential for loss. There’s just a little more compassion in the world. There’s just one more person who doesn’t feel so alone. One less person isolated in our culture of solitary confinement behind invisible walls. Let’s just be more aware and more open, of our own feelings of separation as much as others, to know we are all depleted and could stand to have our cups filled. Who’s cup can you fill today?